Vader Family
by leiaperfectgoddessrey
Summary: Darth Vader, Padmé Amidala, Leia Organa, and Luke Skywalker are all part of a normal, middle-class, suburban, American family. Darth is the embarrassing dad and he loves building model spaceships in the basement and playing with them with his son. Leia and Padmé are amazing and have a beautiful relationship. Han Solo makes an appearance
1. Chapter 1

Vader Family

by Alma and Alice

Chapter 1

"Embarrassing Dad"

"Darth! Stop it, you're embarrassing me!" Luke hides his scrawny head under his palms, cringing in shame at his ridiculous dad.

Leia, looking like a goddess as usual, interjects, "Let's be civil here, Luke. But Darth, you're embarrassing me too." She is clad in a flowing satin dress, the creamy white of her garment complimenting her milky porcelain skin. She glows from within, radiating the flowing majesty and awesome power of a thousand seas.

Darth exhales noisily through his clunky mask (he has a sinus infection). Literally the entire movie theater turns and shoots him a glare, he's being so freaking loud. There is popcorn scattered over his black cloak, and dribbles of soda run down his black metal cheeks.

The Vaders/Skywalkers are in the premiere showing of Alvin and the Chipmunks 3: Chipwrecked. Luke and Leia have been saving up their allowance to buy tickets for three months. Luke has been talking nonstop about it for the past year. Leia just wants to make her mediocre, lackluster twin brother happy out of the goodness of her ethereal heart (she is a goddess).

"I love the way director Mike Mitchell juxtaposes the childlike nature of the chipmunks with the harsh reality of capitalist America," Darth Vader begins. "Their being chipmunks is such an effective analogy for innocence in post-post-Antebellum Western society, and how that is tainted by patriarchal and exploitative media."

Luke rolls his eyes as he is immature and doesn't understand. Leia nods sagely, while internally doubting whether the chipmunks represent innocence or, in fact, whether innocence represents the chipmunks.

Padmé comes back, bearing popcorn for her needy son. "Padmé Amidala is depicted in Star Wars fiction as beautiful and graceful. In Cloak of Deception, she is described as having "a slight figure and a lovely, feminine face as one of the most beautiful, feminine women in Star Wars. She was remarkably solemn for one so young. It was clear that she took her responsibilities with the utmost seriousness."[50] Terry Brooks details the alien Nute Gunray's reaction to her appearance: "She was considered beautiful, Gunray had been told, but he had no sense of human beauty and by Neimoidian standards she was simply colorless and small-featured."[51] Brooks writes that she is "young, beautiful, and serene."[52]" (-Wikipedia)

"Now now," Padmé coos, "what are you two bickering about?" looking pointedly at the men in her family. She angles her chin gracefully to cast a gentle smile at Leia, who is looking up at her mother with loving eyes. Padmé's day is instantly made. She loves feeling like a role model to Leia– but at the same time, she looks up to her daughter immensely, given that she has raised a goddess.

"Padmé, we are TRYING to watch the movie!" Darth screams (at the top of his lungs).

"Sit down, honey! We are at a film! We're not on Naboo anymore, sweetheart!"

Reminder, he is literally yelling and the entire movie theater is grumbling in exasperation at this brooding, exhausting, and pathetic _man._

"OH MY GOD DAD!" Luke yell-whispers, throwing bits of popcorn into the air. Kernels fly out of his teeth, landing in Padmé's hair. Leia brushes away at Padmé's locks gingerly, caring for her mother as she has always done.

Ever since Darth started wearing his one-of-a-kind limited edition costume out in public, Padmé has had her doubts about marriage. Of course, she understands that it's important for Darthy to protect his masculinity. But she misses the man she met twenty years ago in the mighty metropoles of Naboo– the man who protected her with a firm yet gentle hand, the man who she knew would not break in the face of danger, yet would never disrespect her. At times, she wakes in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, remembering dreams of earlier, better days. When they would get dinner together by candlelight, and they would walk in the nighttime holding hands afterwards. It feels so real to her– sometimes, she indulges in these fantasies, and it's far too easy to lose touch with what things are really like.

Darth fidgets nervously in his seat, his breaths rising to a piercing volume. He clears his throat vociferously and declares: "I bet Luke forgot to feed Chewbacca!" His voice falters shakily at the end, and his family rolls their eyes at his obvious guilt. Once again, Darth turns to Luke as his scapegoat.

Leia suddenly saves the day as usual, chiming in: "It's okay, Darth! I fed Chewie before we left today. He's been dealing with his hyperthyroidism swimmingly." She offers a half smile, a delightful twinkle in her eyes captivating those around her. All heads in the movie theater are turned to look at her, compelled by an irresistible force. She bows her head coyly yet in a practiced fashion, being used to all the attention from strangers. She doesn't mind it, though– she finds something beautiful and valuable in the face of each one she meets. But there's one face that stands out to her– more than any she has ever seen before. His face gives way to a crooked half-smirk, and she can't help but love his goofy and outdated mullet. _Wow,_ she thinks. _He can be my Billy Ray Cyrus any day of the week._ She holds his twerpy yet seductive gaze.

The Vaders manage to make it through Alvin and the Chipmunks 3: Chipwrecked, despite Darth's incessant commentary and ragged breathing. After the movie is over, Leia hears footsteps behind her and a voice call out,

"Wait up, your worship!"

Leia twirls swiftly, with the grace of an Olympic figure skater, dazzling in a beam of light directed towards her from the heavens. Han Solo approaches with a grin, jogging to catch up.

"Wanna go for another movie sometime, princess? I heard that Hotel Transylvania 2 is coming out next week."

"Call me Leia." This is the first time she has ever been addressed by a stranger as anything other than "holy goddess" or "your majesty", and so she is relieved by this startling display of humanity. "And I'd love to see Hotel Transylvania 2 with you, dummy." She scrawls her phone number on the back of his hand, offering a smirk to the coy bastard. "See ya later, Solo."

"Hasta la vista, your highness."

She throws him a mischievous smile and struts out of the movie theater. Darth loses the car keys again.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Girls' Night In

The scent of sautéed garlic wafts through the air, carried by the sweet melancholy croon of Joni Mitchell's _Blue_. Padmé stirs the frying pan ever so gently, her slender fingers easing the wooden spatula across its surface. A soft hum escapes her lips, perfectly matching up to Joni's _impeccable_ vocals (this is clearly one of the best albums ever made, and it's impossible to overstate its impact on the folk scene of the 1970's). Spurts of hot olive oil fly up, and the way the droplets sting Padmé's hand reminds her of flecks of frigid sea foam from her home planet, Naboo.

Darth pops his shiny, smooth head through the basement vault door. He creeps up and peers over Padmé's shoulder, but she quickly recoils, his breathing much too loud.

"Jesus, Mary and Joseph Padmé! Can a man not love in peace?"

Padmé sighs, suddenly reminiscent. Her mind flashes back in time, and she sees a young Anakin, nobly enrobed in a coarse jedi's tunic, leaning in to steal a kiss in the darkening twilight. The memory dissolves as she becomes distracted by Darth's heavy inhalations.

"Anakin- when was the last time we spent some time alone- you know, just the two of us?"

"Padmé, don't you know I don't like being called that?" Darth huffs a sigh, but his mask amplifies it to a near deafening volume. Both he and Padmé cringe a little, covering their ears. "Sorry… And anyway, you know I've been busy renovating the basement. You know how important that is to me."

"Yes, Darthy, I know you've been talking about this for a long time… I just…" She lets out a long, slow exhale. "Sometimes I feel like you're so caught up in your games–"

"THEY'RE NOT GAMES!" He screams it so loudly that the mask distorts his voice, and high-pitched feedback pierces the air. They pause routinely, waiting for it to dissipate. After six seconds, the screeching fades away, and they keep talking.

"Of course! Sorry, I mean, your reenactments– with like, the Clones and the Star Death and the Fish Lord and–"

"Sith Lord, Padmé! Not Fish Lord!"

"And that makes me feel like you're not making time for us anymore! A marriage is between two people, Anakin, not just one! And lately I've been starting to think that maybe this isn't something I want to be a part of anymore!"

For once, Darth Vader is silent. He bows his head solemnly and, slowly, motions to pull off his mask. He rests it on the kitchen counter and runs a hand through his disheveled hair.

"Oh my god, Anakin! How long has it been since you last shaved!?"

He scratches at his newborn beard. "A week and a half, maybe?" He offers a wry half-smile, and Padmé turns her back to him, rolling her eyes. She gives a stir to the frying garlic, just for good measure.

"Padmé, you're right. I haven't been making enough time for us. I'll make it up to you, though, I swear. I just have to finish this one roleplay episode that Luke and I are doing. We finally got Jeff, our neighbor, to play the emperor for us? Anyway he's really into it, and agreed to chip in for some of the renovations, which could really help make the starship look more realistic. And we're right at the part where we try to get Luke to join the dark side. But the episode is almost over, I swear!"

Before she has a chance to respond, Darth is already bounding down the basement stairs two at a time, helmet in hand. As he reaches the bottom of the landing, he trips over the tip of his black cloak, stumbling down a few steps. He quickly recovers and rushes off to his mancave.

Before Padmé has a chance to start singing along to "A Case Of You", Leia comes bounding down the stairs. She is freshly showered and clad in a pastel pink silk gown, smelling of coconut oil and roses. _Wow,_ Padmé thinks. _I'm so glad that I, Padmé Amidala, am the mother of Leia Organa, Literal Goddess._

"So what's for dinner, mom?" Leia asks, her voice a cascade of rich velvet.

"Well, I was thinking we could make pesto! I know it's your favorite."

Leia grins and is about to respond when she is rudely interrupted by a loud crashing noise, and some pubescent yelling coming from the basement. Leia has never in her life been interrupted because everyone cares so much about what she has to say. So, frankly, she is a little surprised.

Luke comes bounding up the stairs and, to everyone's shock, his arm is chopped clean off. Really just chopped right off. He's screaming.

"AAAAAHHHH," he screams, loudly screaming.

Darth Vader comes running up from the basement too, his exercise-induced asthma causing his breaths to accelerate and amplify to an entirely new level, even for him. "Padmé, I can explain! I swear!"

"Darth, I swear to Naboo if you cut off his arm again…."

"It's not what it looks like! I did cut off his arm but I can fix it! I was supposed to pretend to cut off his arm with my lightsaber, but we got a little carried away and well… There was an arm that came off, I'll admit it! But nothing that can't be fixed!"

Leia rushes off into the living room to care for her injured twin, holding him gently. Padmé runs her palm across her forehead, rubbing beads of sweat. _Blue_ had just ended, and _Court and Spark_ started playing a few minutes ago. _Help me! I think I'm falling in love again,_ sings Joni. Padmé sighs at the irony of the lyrics in her current situation.

"Anakin, I don't want to hear it right now. I am sick of you cutting off our son's arm. Please go get the prosthetic limb from the medicine cabinet. I'm glad I decided to buy a spare last time we went to Home Depot."

As Darth rushes sheepishly to the bathroom, Padmé hears another set of heavy, clumsy male footsteps on the basement steps and turns to see Jeff the neighbor appear in the doorway. Jeff has the appearance of a grizzled turtle beneath his tattered hood. Padmé, usually so warmly hospitable, can't help but frown when she makes out the stains and dustings of dorito powder on his emperor's cloak.

"Things got pretty wild down there, I'll say!" Jeff offers a nervous chuckle. When Padmé doesn't respond, he ventures, "So...uh... what's cookin', Pattie?"

"It's Padmé," Padmé says.

"Oh." Jeff stands awkwardly for a few seconds. "Well, I guess I'll be heading out."

As Jeff leaves Padmé hastily turns to the living room to assist her helplessly wounded son.


End file.
